I want to start off by saying that you don’t have to be in a relationship if you don’t want to. Don’t let anybody convince you you should be in a relationship if you don’t want to. Unfortunately, our society is shaped around relationships, and people try to make you feel wrong that you are not in one. There’s nothing weird about not being in a relationship. Many people make a conscious choice to be by themselves.
Some people are looking for relationships. They’ve tried dating, and things don’t work out. Today, I want to discuss why relationships haven’t worked out and probably won’t unless you fix these issues.
How some men sabotage their chances of a relationship
- Too high of standards. A lot of people find themselves perpetually single because they have unrealistic expectations. Realize that everybody has flaws and issues. No one is perfect; if you think that, everyone will leave you.
- Too low of standards. If you’re somebody who will date anyone who expresses interest or will sleep with anyone, this is a huge problem. You will be left feeling unfulfilled. These people aren’t good enough for you, but you may not realize that because your self-esteem isn’t high enough or you feel you don’t deserve better.
- Low self-esteem. If you don’t have high standards and don’t feel good about yourself, you’ll never be right for somebody else until you fix yourself. You can have the perfect woman, but until you’ve done the deep work, you won’t be able to make it work because you’ll always be self-sabotaging.
- Unresolved past relationships. If you’re making your current relationship pay for the mistakes of your past relationship, you will remain single. If you haven’t resolved your past relationship(s) and think your current relationship will end the same, this is self-destructive and self-sabotaging. You need to have trust and put to bed issues that you’re struggling with. You deserve to be happy. Visit BetterHelp for 10% off your first month of therapy and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help you.
- Poor communication. If you have challenges expressing yourself or dealing with issues, you won’t be able to navigate a healthy relationship. All relationships are difficult, but one aspect that separates the good from the bad is the ability to communicate. You need to talk through issues without arguing or shutting down. You also need to be able to remain calm and not explode. The ability to be vulnerable is a big component of communication. If you put up a wall and never let your guard down, you’ll never truly find someone to have a healthy and happy relationship. You need to be able to get hurt and be willing to take risks potentially.
- Inability to take risks. You have to be willing to put yourself out there and possibly get your heart stomped on because if you don’t, you’ll never truly find somebody you can connect with.
- Not taking care of yourself. You need to take care of your grooming & hygiene and have pride in your personal appearance & presentation. You can’t be a savage or a slob.
- Being broke. You don’t need much money, but you can’t be a financial disaster. Be financially responsible, hold down a job, and have financial discipline. Live below your means.
- Being immature. If you lack discipline, you won’t find ‘the one’ because ‘the one’ will find somebody better.
- Lacking commitment. You need to be able to take away alternatives and give yourself 100% to somebody, even if it could end up breaking your heart by not working out. You cannot think that the grass is greener on the other side or that something better is coming along. You must give yourself fully to that person and have a commitment mindset. The one you’re with now is the one you should be committed to. You won’t find or keep that special person if you can’t commit.
- Not cut out for relationships. Some people are not built for relationships. They are cheaters, insecure, have low self-esteem, or think somebody has to be perfect. These are red flags that you are the problem and must work on yourself.
