My 20s were a disaster because I was not happy, fulfilled, or doing what I needed to do to succeed. I was being self-destructive and self-medicating. I was abusing substances and my body. I was sleeping with the wrong people and dating people that I should not have.
When I was in my 30s, I started to get everything together. But it wasn’t until I got to my 40s that I truly felt I knew who I was as a man. I want to review some aspects you should learn in your 20s, but if you don’t, ensure you understand and implement them by age 40.
Know these truths by age 40
Life is not fair. You need to deal with it. Nobody will hand you anything, and you have to make your luck.
Comfort zones will kill you. You need to step outside your box and not worry about other people’s thoughts.
It’s your life, and people are not paying attention to you. The world does not revolve around you, so do not worry about what others say or do. They’re worrying about their issues and nonsense.
Looks fade, but character doesn’t. Focus on being honorable rather than cool and popular. Just because somebody is pretty does not make them a good person. You need to look for people who treat you with respect and value. That goes for a partner as well. You should be around people who say they’re proud of you or lucky to have you.
If somebody tells you who they are, you better listen. Often, people show us exactly who they are, and we don’t listen. We can’t change people, and people don’t change. The only person you can change is yourself. Don’t try to solve other people’s problems because you cannot fix them. The person you need to fix is you. Nobody is responsible for your happiness other than you, and do not use age as an excuse.
Realize that not all people are good, and accept that all people will like you, too. And that’s okay. Be brave enough to be disliked. You’ll never be happy if you’re a people pleaser.
Don’t treat your health like it’s never going to fail. It will catch up if you don’t care for your health. Make your health a priority because your decisions in your 20s and 30s will catch up with you. Once you realize that you should have done something, it may be too late for your health. Your health is the most valuable asset.
Time is your most valuable resource, so protect it like your life depends on it. Don’t blame other people for your life and your unhappiness.
Stop buying crap, and stop wasting money. Do not spend money to go into debt. Debt is the devil.
The past cannot be changed, so stop thinking about it and focus on the future. Regarding the past, realize that sometimes you are collateral damage to other people’s issues. Use therapy to work through issues and take control of your future. Sometimes, we cannot figure things out independently, and therapy presents a different perspective that can help us and provide tools to deal with issues. Visit Better Help for 10% off your first month of therapy and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help you.
Ensure you do not compare your chapter one to somebody else’s chapter 10. We get into habits of comparing ourselves where we are currently with somebody else who is at a different stage. Only compare yourself to yourself and focus on your growth. Have people who are mentors and inspirations, but do not compare yourself to them. Focus on building your personal brand and do what you must to succeed, including hard work.
Hard work beats talent any day. I’m a testament to that. Don’t get distracted by the noise and shiny objects. Focus and work, and you will be much ahead of others who have talent but are unwilling to put in the time or effort. Focus on chasing will make you a true and whole person.
Surround yourself with people who love you and uplift you. These positive and healthy relationships mean more than any amount of money. People you love will not be here forever, so you must talk with them more. Also, look for opportunities to help other people. These actions will add tremendous value and happiness to your life.
Be nice and kind. Be helpful, and do not brag. Don’t boast or be a jerk. That said, don’t live somebody else’s life or for somebody else. Be true to yourself to avoid a mid-life crisis. Do what you need to do for yourself and live your truth, purpose, and passion. Don’t fall prey to somebody else’s expectations.
Ensure you are with a partner willing to roll up their sleeves and get their hands dirty. If they do not want to work, they are probably not the right person for you. If they have bad money management skills, those will not improve.
Learn about money and focus on making extra money. Work on having a good credit score and don’t get into debt. A high credit score will make borrowing money at a good rate possible. Invest in yourself, and do not be afraid of failure.
Failure is one of those things with which you need to get comfortable. Get in the habit of failing because it means you’re trying, striving, and working hard. Trying to do things better than where you are and trying to achieve means you’re stepping outside of your comfort zone, and failure is part of that process. If you’re not failing, you’re not trying hard enough.
