Give People Their “Flowers” While They’re HERE

I have a question for you. When was the last time you told somebody how much they genuinely meant to you? Not a casual “thanks, bro” or a quick “love ya” as you’re hanging up the phone. I mean looking someone in the eye and telling them exactly why you appreciate, respect, or admire them. We spend so much of our lives chasing success, improving ourselves, and worrying about what’s next that we sometimes forget to acknowledge the people who’ve helped us get where we are. And here’s the crazy part: most of us have absolutely no problem talking about how incredible somebody was after they’re gone. But while they’re standing right in front of us? Silence.

I love this saying: Give people their flowers while they’re here. Think about that for a second. We send flowers to funerals. We deliver heartfelt speeches at retirement parties. We write beautiful tributes when somebody passes away, explaining how they changed our lives, inspired us, or made the world a better place. But why the hell are we waiting? Why do we save our most meaningful words for moments when the person we’re talking about isn’t even around to hear them? We shouldn’t reserve appreciation for goodbye speeches. We should practice it while we still have the chance.

I remember driving one day, years ago, and randomly thinking about my grandfather. He had already passed away, but for whatever reason, memories of him started flooding my mind. My grandfather was one of the most influential people in my life, right alongside my mom and dad. When I was younger and his health started deteriorating, I would go over and help him with things he physically couldn’t do anymore. I essentially became his hands, helping him get whatever needed done. And while we worked, he’d talk. He’d tell me stories, share his experiences, and teach me things that I didn’t fully appreciate until I got older. Those conversations helped shape the man I eventually became.

And sitting there in my car, thinking about him, I got emotional. I started wondering what I would say if I could have just one more conversation with him, one more afternoon, or one more opportunity to tell him how much he influenced my life and how grateful I was for everything he taught me. So much had happened since he passed away, and I wished I could share it with him. I wished I could tell him how his lessons had stayed with me. And that’s the thing about losing somebody important. You don’t necessarily miss the big events or extravagant moments. Sometimes you miss the conversations, the advice, the stories, and the simple chance to say something you wish you’d said when you could.

Another experience that really reinforced this perspective happened when my mom called me one day. I could immediately tell something was wrong. She had just discovered that a good friend of hers, only 47 years old, had unexpectedly died from a massive heart attack. What made it especially heartbreaking was that she’d spoken to him just days before his death, and he was happier than she’d heard him in a long time. He’d gotten engaged, bought a house, and landed a full-time job. Things were finally coming together for him. And then, just like that, he was gone. It was a powerful reminder of something we all know intellectually but rarely act on: Life is incredibly precious, ridiculously unpredictable, and never guaranteed.

Now, I’m not sharing these stories to depress you or make you afraid of losing everybody you love. I’m sharing them because I think they teach an important lesson about how we choose to live. We assume there will always be another phone call, another dinner, another birthday, another chance to say what we’re feeling. We tell ourselves we’ll reach out when work slows down, when life gets less hectic, or when we finally have some free time. But here’s a little secret: life doesn’t magically become less busy. There’s always another responsibility, another distraction, or another excuse. Sometimes, the opportunity we keep postponing disappears before we ever get around to it.

One of the biggest mistakes I think men make is assuming that the people in our lives already know how we feel about them. Your dad knows you love him, right? Your best friend knows you respect him. Your wife or girlfriend knows you appreciate everything she does. Your mentor knows how much his guidance helped you. Maybe they do. But knowing something and actually hearing it are two very different experiences. Something is incredibly powerful about someone looking you in the eye and saying, “I want you to know that you’ve made a difference in my life.” Those words can stay with somebody for years. And the beautiful thing is that they cost absolutely nothing.

Think about the mentors who’ve helped shape your journey. Maybe a teacher recognized something special in you when nobody else did. Maybe a boss gave you an opportunity when you didn’t have much experience. Maybe an older gentleman took you under his wing and taught you lessons about business, integrity, or being a man. Have you ever gone back and told that person what their guidance meant to you? Not just that you appreciate them, but specifically what they taught you and how you’ve used it? Imagine getting a phone call from somebody you helped 15 years ago, telling you that something you said changed the direction of their life. How incredible would that feel? You can give somebody that experience.

And let’s talk about your buddies for a second. Men have this weird tendency to communicate affection through insults, sarcasm, and giving each other a hard time. Don’t get me wrong, I love busting my buddies’ balls as much as anyone else, but sometimes you have to set the jokes aside and tell your friend why you respect him. Maybe he’s the guy who always shows up when somebody needs help. Maybe he’s an incredible father, a hardworking husband, or somebody who maintained his integrity when life threw him a curveball. Tell him. You don’t need to make it a dramatic, tear-filled conversation. Just say, “Dude, I don’t tell you this enough, but I really respect the way you handle yourself and take care of your family.” That’s it. Simple, genuine, and incredibly meaningful.

The same principle applies to leadership, and I think business owners and managers need to hear it. If you’ve got an employee who consistently goes above and beyond, don’t wait until their annual performance review to acknowledge it. If somebody solves problems before you even know they exist, takes pride in their work, or makes your business better simply by showing up and giving a damn, tell them you notice. Be specific. Instead of saying, “Good job,” explain exactly what they did and why it mattered. People want to feel valued, and they want to know their effort matters. And while appreciation should never replace fair compensation or meaningful opportunities, genuine recognition can make someone feel seen in a way money alone can’t.

I also want you to think about your parents, grandparents, and the people who raised you. As we get older, our relationships with them change. We start to recognize the sacrifices they made, the challenges they faced, and the things they did for us that we were too young or too self-absorbed to appreciate then. Maybe your dad wasn’t perfect, or maybe your mom made mistakes. Newsflash: every parent does. But if they did something that made your life better, tell them. Tell your dad you’re proud of the man he is or the example he set. Tell your mom you recognize how hard she worked. Ask your grandparents about their lives while they can still share their stories. You might be surprised how much those conversations mean to them, and how much they eventually mean to you.

Here’s another thing I want to address, because I know some guys will struggle with this: expressing appreciation doesn’t make you weak. Somewhere along the way, a lot of men got the message that being emotionally open is somehow incompatible with being masculine. That real men are supposed to be tough, reserved, and uncomfortable talking about their feelings. That’s bullshit. Being confident enough to tell someone you love, respect, or admire shows emotional strength. It takes no courage to bottle up your feelings and pretend you don’t care. Being vulnerable enough to say something meaningful, especially when it feels uncomfortable, takes a hell of a lot more confidence.

And I want to make an important distinction. Giving people their flowers doesn’t mean throwing around empty compliments or telling everybody they’re amazing just to make them feel good. I mean genuine, specific appreciation. Notice the things people do. Notice their character, their sacrifices, their consistency, and how they make other people’s lives better. Then acknowledge those things without expecting anything in return. You don’t need a special occasion, a greeting card, or some elaborate speech. Sometimes a simple text message saying, “Hey, I was thinking about you today, and I wanted you to know how much I appreciate our friendship,” is enough to completely change somebody’s day. And you never know what that person might be going through when your message arrives.

So here’s my challenge to you. Before today is over, think of three people who’ve made a positive difference in your life. One might be someone you love, another someone you respect, and the third someone whose efforts you’ve been taking for granted. Reach out: pick up the phone, send a message, or, even better, talk face-to-face. Tell them something specific you appreciate about them, but don’t overthink it, don’t wait for the timing to feel perfect, and don’t assume you’ll have another chance next week, next month, or next year. The whole point is to make appreciation a habit instead of something you only express when you’re afraid of losing somebody.

At the end of the day, nobody lies on their deathbed wishing they’d spent more time withholding compliments, avoiding emotional conversations, or pretending the people they loved didn’t matter. We spend our lives trying to become better men, build successful careers, develop confidence, and leave some kind of legacy. But part of that legacy is how we make the people around us feel while we’re here. The people who love you shouldn’t have to wait for your funeral to hear how much they mattered, and the people you love shouldn’t have to wait for theirs, either. Give people their flowers now. Tell them what they mean to you and why they matter because the greatest tribute you can give somebody isn’t a beautiful speech after they’re gone. It’s making sure they knew how much you appreciated them while they were still here to hear it.