Many of us start life believing that we and our thoughts are one and the same. Believing that you are your worst enemy means that you identify with your thoughts. Unfortunately, if this belief continues, some difficult challenges can develop.
Our minds have a sneaky way of making us believe things about ourselves that are not entirely true, like feeling worthless, useless, stupid, not good enough, or a burden. These thoughts can put you in a dark place, but no matter how negative they are, they are just thoughts. They are not realities and don’t define you as a person. You are far better than what the devil on your shoulder tells you.
If that identification stops (that you are separate from your thoughts), you can be fully present in the moment, have inner peace, and move forward. While we can’t immediately have those thoughts from happening, we can immediately start to manage them. You can reframe your thinking, which I’ll get more into that in a moment.
Our thoughts often attempt to make us believe untrue things about ourselves, and we must rise above our own minds and restructure our thinking process to become better than we once were. You are not your own worst enemy. You are your own best friend. Cheer yourself on, challenge yourself, and give yourself grace if you stumble.
As a personal trainer and style consultant, I tutored, mentored, supervised, and worked with many types of men from a variety of backgrounds and ages. I’ve helped shape their confidence, grooming and style skills, and social abilities. Helping to reframe their thinking has been key.
We all make mistakes, which can suck. But we can’t linger on those times – and failure shouldn’t stop us from learning new things, which, with many of these men, became their own worst enemies. Keep in mind that ‘enemy’ doesn’t necessarily have to be you as a person but anything that harms or weakens you. It could be your own brain tripping you up and not allowing you to get ahead in life.
If you refuse to go to bed in time for a good night’s sleep, you may be unable to wake in time for work. You could lose your job for not showing up on time. You are your own worst enemy. What ultimately guides you in life isn’t the responsibility or irresponsibility of others – it’s your thoughts, emotions, and realizations. And if these thoughts are irrational, negative, or destructive, your ability to achieve success, peace, and happiness may be hindered.
Some of us have a terrible habit of speaking to ourselves negatively and then punishing ourselves – this can make us sick, tired, and miserable. You cannot hate yourself into changing. To make lasting change, be your own best friend. Show yourself love, compassion, kindness, and forgiveness. This mindset will take you further than thinking of yourself as your own worst enemy.
Just like you want the best for your loved ones, just like you want your best friend to succeed, just like you’d help someone in need – you must extend those same courtesies to yourself. You show others compassion and encouragement – do the same for yourself. And if your friend messed up, you wouldn’t beat them down. Don’t do that to yourself, either.
I am pretty successful but that success hasn’t come without battles. Days were draining, I had imposter syndrome at times, and I was my own worst enemy. I didn’t just wake up one day and suddenly love myself. I’ve worked through these challenges, and at times faked it until I made it. One method that’s helped me is to write down the negative thoughts then write down a counterargument to them.
- Negative thought: “I’m not good enough and never will be.”
Reframed thought: “I’m doing the best I can, which is more than enough.“
Another method that’s helped me is sticking to the motto: DO IT ANYWAY. Don’t want to go to the gym? Do it anyway. Don’t want to eat healthy? Do it anyway. Don’t want to go to bed early? Do it anyway.
You are the only person who will always be in your life, no matter what. That’s why you have to be a friend to yourself. Breaking the negative self-talk habit is hard, but it’s possible if you work at it daily. Just say kind things to yourself, like, “I like your hair today.” If you screw something up, try to respond the way you would to a friend. You wouldn’t berate someone else for screwing up. You would say something like, “Everyone makes mistakes. Try again. You’ve got this!”
You must care for yourself, so treat each day as a gift. Show up for it and have power over your life. Being your own best friend can help you take control of your life. We shouldn’t and can’t rely on friends and family to be our ‘everythings’ as they have their own lives complete with challenges, obstacles, and problems. You will be the only one who will be consistently and constantly in your life for the rest of your life. Be your own best friend, enjoy your own company, and be good to yourself.
